the Wired

well, still. pretty good year.

Birthday was a birthday. Most people, including one immediate blood relative, forgot it happened. Oh well. Those who did remember are my favourites. So there!

I got an Eevee, a sleeping Kirby, socks, and a gardening set.  Good times! (No, not being sarcastic. It’s a lot more than I expected and I like all of it so much. ♥)

Trying to smush my writing and personal site together onto Neocities again, but I’m so mentally bombed out that inspiration’s lying thin on the ground at the moment. I’m so glad that this hit after clearing out my to-do list for the month, but it still sucks. I feel horrific and I can’t even distract myself with creation. Utter BS.

at this point, geocities was honestly more tolerable.

the nerve of some people. so, someone on neocities (what a surprise!) was direct-linking to my header images for a couple of cliques i run. sigh, turn on direct-link protection. a little annoying, but no big deal, ultimately.

only to find that said person has now SAVED THE HEADERS and uploaded them to their own website, and has a disclaimer on their splash page that amounts to “lol, all the images on my site are hosted on imgur so feel free to steal them!”

excuse you?

seriously, i am this close — this. close. — to just, like…putting up a disclaimer on my site that says “if you have a neocities website, please get the hell off mine and stay ten gigabytes away from me at all times, and keep your grabby little paws to yourself”, because my stars, the entitled BS that most of its idiot users pull…

(which would be horribly unfair, because there are absolute gems in the mire and muck that is NC; they’re just largely quiet, keep to themselves, and are overlooked by the algorithm your average idiot nostalgian goes on and on and on about how they’re rejecting. but whenever i have a disagreement with someone about what they can and can’t do with content that isn’t theirs? it’s always sodding NEOCITIES.)

it’s nothing personal, babe

there’s always a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when i have to reject someone for the aromatic clique lately. it’s like, okay, prepare for the argument about why $X_PERSON should be the only exception to the rules about accessibility and why they can read their site so surely everyone else has no trouble with it and just…i wanna hide. it’s not a personal thing. the rules are the rules and i can’t make exceptions for one person. it doesn’t mean i hate you or think you’re shit or whatever, i’m just sick of fucking squinting at my gigantic screen and i cannot be the only person. god help me if i was on laptop or mobile.

i just don’t wanna argue with anyone. i’m tired and i’m sad.

anyway i’m in a really bad way and won’t be surprised if i end up in the hospital tomorrow, but illness does this sometimes. i’m half-tempted to pack a bag tonight and that’ll take some of the stress off for tomorrow…but i’m exhausted at the moment so moving is difficult. (i just used up any energy i had trying to get a moth out of the room. partially worked.)

i think i’ll just return to ff6 and dragons of autumn twilight on audiobook for the time being. (i’m doing boring lore-finding for strago on the veldt; i don’t need the soundtrack for that lest i end up loathing the veldt theme forever.)

caps are for people who aren’t so exhausted they’d happily curl up on the nearest flat surface on any plane of existence if they were promised they’d get a solid 36 hours of sleep out of it.

we set the stars to dancing in the night sky

I’m going to post this entry and then I’m not going to look at a single other line of code until at least 11am tomorrow morning — I’ve been HTMLing away all day! 😀 I’ve been working on my Secret Santa’s gift, and on these two! I’m especially happy about those two, because I adopted them from someone I was sure didn’t like me (or found me petty at the very least), and I was sure they’d tell me what I could do with myself. But I was worried about nothing! There’s no bad blood between us, they’re a lovely person from what I’ve seen, and I’m actually kind of embarrassed as how anxious I was sending off the initial emails, now ^^;; Haha, paranoid Rin is eternally paranoid, but all’s well that end’s well! I’ll take very good care of the listings for as long as I have them ♥

A load of witchy goodness, mostly journal-related, came in the mail today~ Including candles! Gasp. There’s a first for me. I’ve never been much into candle magick (despite being a witch since I was 17…), maybe a stray spell here or there, but the candle has never been one of my preferred magickal tools. I have forty coloured candles in my goodies chest, now, mostly for Colourwork reasons (I’ll elaborate more on that either later, or on a purposefully witchy blog I’ll set up at some point). We’ll see how it all goes, but I’m hopeful it’ll be fulfilling.

It’s been a difficult day painwise (physio visit was NOT an immediate help with that, let me tell you, but I suppose stuff has to get more painful before it can get better), and it was disgustingly hot without warning (thanks for nothing, BOM!), but I’m happy all the same. It’s been a productive day and I hope the rest of the evening will be relaxing. Back to it after eleven tomorrow, like I said! But until then, I think I’ll just laze about in front of the telly and crochet. ♥

doing the best with what we can

Not out of the woods yet, but at least the financial panic has abated (thanks to the generosity of some beautiful, beautiful people…I honestly cannot describe in words how thankful I am) and I’ve been medicated, so I’m sitting in a pleasant clearing, at least. I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday evening and without going into too much detail (the majority of it incredibly boring, really), I’ll just say that it left me unhappy, but at least with five free physio visits. Take the little pieces of good and cling to them like a lamprey.

(Also, if at all possible: try to never fall down the stairs. Life tip #1. Arwen’s Good Advice Book, being published by Oh God Spare Us All Press in 2024!)

I joined the TFL Secret Santa, because I loved the idea of making website goodies for someone, and I wanted to make friends, but I’m actually kind of wondering, now, if that was the best idea I’ve ever had. I think two people participating don’t like me, and certain other TFL ex-staff may have a had a word in someone else’s ear about how awful and evil and terrible I am, so…I might be making things for someone who actively dislikes me. Oh well, I guess. I don’t actually dislike any of the participants (except for one, who couldn’t even bring their grievance with me to me so I could clear the air, but instead took it to Twitter and the message boards…and even then, it’s not really dislike — I don’t know them. It’s more exasperation with their actions), and I suppose they don’t have to like me, either, really. I just have to make good gifts for my Secret Santa receiver (…Santee? that sounds a bit odd…). That was part of what I agreed to do when I signed up; make good quality gifts for anyone I was assigned to. And that’s what I’ll do, to the very best of my ability.

Think I might go have a cup of Christmas tea. ‘Tis the season, after all. 🙂

more than just an awful Colleen Hoover “book”

I fell of the wagon. Or maybe I was pushed, who knows. Desperate times call for desperate measures, etc.

Anyway, nicer things.

I GOT THIS FINISHED (or maybe finished…maybe I should do lyrics, as well…hmm…). I’m so proud of it, and the research I did on it would probably make my former professors all groan and facepalm (“don’t be so SERIOUS, Kirin-ssi!”) BUT~ there is it. TyoBabi is love, TyoBabi is LIFE, karaoke is fun, and music is God. (I also bent the spines of my precious first editions to get those scans, so dear god please nobody take them without credit.) I can’t wait to get the rest of City Gardening online, even though I know next to nobody cares about TB anymore. I do, and I have goodies to share. If I share ’em with no one, well…I don’t care. TB makes me happy. Precious little makes me happy as of late, so I’ll indulge in whatever does without shame.

Also got a lot of pixelly nonsense still going on! And a surprising amount of Sailor Moon whatnot. I’ll grow up one day. Maybe. Just not today. 😛

Oh yeah…I did start on my NaNo project, but…let’s be honest, I’m not sure how far I’ll get along in it. Who knows, hyperfixation may kick in and I might cough up 50k words in 12 days — it’s happened before. But if it does, yay. If it doesn’t, yay. The writing/pro-publishing community has left me with such a bad taste in my mouth, and creativity’s hard to come by when the majority of your waking hours are spent either bawling and immobile due to burning pain, or curled up in the foetal position due to overwhelming anxiety. But, you never know. Well, I certainly don’t, at least.

…best save this entry before my internet craps out on me again ><;;;

ああ、今日。 11月9日。 そうそう。 それでは、フィリア、お誕生日おめでとう！ あなたがより良い人間になったことを願っています。 少なくともあなたのために。ふふふ〜

endless chasing

woke myself up this morning yelling “FWCK YOU!” in a dream/real life. other people’s abusers. i do not even put with with their swit when i’m asleep. trufax.

i just knocked back three people in a row from a joinable for not reading the rules. i’m kind of starting to despair; do people not read the actual rules despite claiming they do, or do they just think “whatever, doesn’t apply to me”? the latter would be more galling, for sure, but either way it’s just…ugh. because i’m the one who has to knock them back, which makes me the target of their ire, and i just think…is it worth it, really?

(and then someone will join, actually following the rules, with a website that puts hearts in my eyes and gives me hope for the revival of the personal internet, so…what am i even whining about, really? :P)

song of the day: “Closer”, RM (w/ Paul Blanco and Mahalia). very chill and smooth shade of blue off of his latest, Indigo, which i’m finally getting around to listening to. first thoughts? it’s not as instant a love as mono. was for me, but it’s damn good all the same. i know joonie said it was “10 Blues” in the liner notes & box art, but really, it’s a much wider palette than his previous record, and has a kind of…tanginess? (synæsthesia is gonna be the death of me)…that was present in RM, but isn’t exactly the same kind of taste, as such, either. love love love to hear his singing voice, too, which only improves the more and more he uses it ♥ (don’t be afraid of singing, you beautiful coffee-smooth baritone, you!)

sure, Jan.

 

TFL does not approve fanlistings on a first-come first-served basis. We feel that that would be rather unfair! Applications are held for at least a week, and then the staffer goes through each application to try and select the best owner.

It’s hilarious how TFL thinks this makes them sound Fair And Balanced™ 😂 This wouldn’t lead to friends of TFL staff being granted the cherry FLs, no, of course not! They would never~

(Also: a liiiiiiiiie~ I applied for a certain FL subject once and was approved in three days. Go figure.)

may you live in ugly times.

Creating fanlistings has been such a belittling, nasty, backstabbing, competitive, petty, childish, and overall ugly experience that I honestly wonder if it’s worth the three seconds’ glance anyone gives any of my work.